What I have learned about raising kids

Many parents find joy raising their kids when they have a third or fourth child, I did too. By then, you’ve run out of bandwidth to hover. You can’t linger over every detail of every child’s schedule, or of every child's behavior. You have to let them explore, fall, fail, and grow on their own. That’s when you realize: they’re fine, even without you being a perfect parent. That’s also why some parents say it gets easier the more kids you have — your expectations shift from perfection to practicality.

Then, you also stop feeling guilty for not signing them up for piano, robotics, and advanced math all at once. Bryan Caplan¹ insists that most parental overreach doesn’t have the impact we think. Instead, focus on what really matters: a loving home, basic needs met, space for kids to be themselves, and traditions that help create good memories. Everything else is icing on the cake. We over-schedule and over-micromanage, worrying they’ll fall behind if they miss some new enrichment program. But genes have already done much of the heavy lifting. Once that sinks in, you can enjoy your kids more and reduce the pressure on everyone involved. The costs don't have to be as high.

Caplan concludes: Kids “cost” less than we think because we overcharge ourselves, trying to optimize every moment. But we often forget that childhood is also about having fun. If you relax a bit, you enjoy parenting way more.

Play a silly game, have a random chat, laugh at inside jokes. Let go of the illusion of total control.

Disclaimer: My kids are 7.5, 6 and 2.5 years old.